We Have a Walker!

If we're facebook friends or you've had the pleasure of running into me lately, you may have already seen this, but Owen took his first vertical journey across the living room last week.

Ignore my squeeling. I was obviously excited.

Since he's figured out he CAN walk it's all he wants to do.

It's so unreal to see him doing his little drunk baby walk as he follows me around the house. This new-found skill has lead to a sharp increase in Owen injuries, though. I've lost track of how many times he's gotten a little overly ambitious and fallen head-first into the coffee table. (Speaking of, does anyone have a rec for a bumper for a large coffee table? I ordered one on Amazon not long ago and it doesn't fit my massive table.)

Ross and I have been watching too much Walking Dead lately, and like to yell, "OH, NO! A WALKER!" when Owen is walking toward us. Luckily he's not old enough to understand how nerdy we are.

He has also continued to ignore me when I tell him 'no.' I had to take all of my books off of the bookshelf in the living room because I finally got fed up with him pulling all of them off. I think I may have to put all of my books on his bookshelf (which is high-up and built into the wall) and move all of his board books into the livingroom shelf. At least he can't tear those apart.

He has also been 'talking' more and more. My favorite is when he just starts yelling, "Yo! Yo! Yo!" My child is hip.

Other favorite Owen noises include (but are not limited to):

"Dee Dee Do!"
"Mum. Mum. Mum." (<---- Mom!!)
And, of course, his new Chewbacca noises. I'll make a point to try and catch those on video to share because they are freaking hysterical.

He has also spent a significant amount of time wrestling/ eating the gigantic teddy bear my mom bought him when he was born. When she brought that thing to the hospital, my first thought was, "Where the hell am I supposed to put that thing? There's no way he'll play with it." (Sorry, Momma! Love you! haha) But, as usual, my mother knew what she was doing. He will spend 15 or 20 minutes at a time rolling around in the floor with it (that's an eternity in baby attention span time).

The bad thing is that he also enjoys eating the bear. No, not chewing on it. He will literally rip mouthfuls of fur out of it. I'm constantly checking his mouth to make sure there's no bear in there. I think it's his way of asserting his dominance or something. Hell if I know. I just know it's gross.

This next part is gross. I'm warning you. It's about poop. (When you have a child, you'll realize how much of your day revolves around bodily fluids. It's awesome, let me tell ya.)

So, on Saturday the three of us went back home for a memorial service for my uncle. Owen had no pooped all day, so I brought an extra change of clothes along just in case shit went down (pun intended) while we were there.

Luckily, nothing happened while we were there. Well, we got within about 15 minutes of home when I started to smell it. There was the poop. It had arrived.

Our usual method for deciding which of us gets to change the dirty diapers is Rock, Paper, Scissors. When we got home, I told Ross that if he grabbed Owen that we could RPS when we got inside to see who got stuck with it.

When Ross brought him in, he just took him straight to the changing table and started to undress him. I was in the other room when I heard, "Oh my god. Oh... Oh my god. Oh, Brittney! This is the most poop I've ever seen!"

I ran into Owen's room to find him sitting on the changing table in just a diaper. Ross was trying not to gag. When I got closer, I saw it. The entire back side of Owen was COVERED. There was not a non-disgusting surface on the back side of his body. Now, we've dealt with messy situations like this before, but we were flabbergasted by this.

How did he do that? Where did it come from?

We stood there for about five minutes just staring at him. Thinking.

The conversation went kind of like this:

Me: "We need a plan."
Ross: "Alright. What?"
Me: "Ok, first we play rock, paper, scissors."

**insert RPS game. I lost.**

Me: "Damn. Ok. Go start him a bath then come back here and hold him up while I clean him off."

You can imagine the rest.

It took two people at least 10 minutes to change this diaper. That's how ridiculous and inhuman it was.

Owen thought it was hilarious, of course.

He also enjoyed his surprise bath. He especially enjoyed splashing Daddy.

Being a parent is glamourous.

Oh, here's a picture of Owen being pissed at me because I made him wear a stupid outfit to go play in the leaves:



WTF, Mom?